


A Certain Amount of Madness

by mithrel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Animals, Blanket Permission, Community: deancas_xmas, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Podfic Welcome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-15
Updated: 2014-09-15
Packaged: 2018-02-17 13:32:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2311388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mithrel/pseuds/mithrel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas has a habit of collecting stray animals that they come across, taking care of them until they're healthy and happy, then giving them away to anyone who'll provide a decent home. Dean doesn't get it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Certain Amount of Madness

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Chef_Geekier](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chef_Geekier/gifts).



> So, I was poking through my old fics and realized I'd never gotten around to posting this one. Originally for the deancas_xmas exchange in...2011, really? Wow. Title from a quote by Nora Ephron: "You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets." Thanks to lady_drace for the beta! WARNING: Cruelty to animals.

When Cas opens the door, Dean is almost immediately knocked back a step by something hitting his chest, then has his hands are bathed in slobber.

“Again, Cas?” he says wearily, looking down at the huge brown dog who looks nothing but happy and excited to have made a new friend.

“But Dean, look how skinny he is!”

As he takes a closer look at the dog, he realizes Cas is right. Its ribs are showing, and it looks at least twenty pounds lighter than it should be.

But it’s _always_ “Look how skinny he is!” Or “She was hit by a car, Dean, I couldn’t just leave her there!” Or else, “His collar was way too tight. It got infected!”

Dean rolls his eyes and shoves past the dog, into Cas’ house.

In addition to the dog, he’s got a formerly long-haired white cat, who was so matted that he had to shave all its fur off, and the only permanent resident, an African Gray Parrot, Moriel.

“I dunno why you want to pay all these extra vet bills for animals you’re not even gonna keep.”

“They need help, Dean,” Cas says, just like always.

“Why don’t you just donate, or volunteer at the Humane Society or something?”

“I don’t need to. I find enough animals on my own.”

It’s true. Dean swears Cas _attracts_ hurt animals, like he’s got some kind of pheromone that says “Overwhelming compassion with too little common sense.”

And Dean supposes he doesn’t really mind, except that he and Cas have been together for over a year now, and he’s been considering asking him to move in with him. But _not_ if he gets the zoo along with it!

He sighs. Cas isn’t gonna change, and if he’s honest with himself, he doesn’t want him to. His compassion was part of what drew Dean to him in the first place…

“Dean? Hello?” He’s brought back to Earth by Cas snapping his fingers near his ear. He jumps, then smiles. “Sorry. Just thinking.”

Cas nods. “I can see why that required all your attention.”

“Shut up,” Dean mock-growls at him.

***

A couple weeks later, Dean goes to pick up Sam to have lunch with him. And is nearly knocked over _again._

He stares in shock at the dog. Brown fur, check. Floppy ears, check. Ribs showing, check, although he’s not as skinny as he was when Dean first saw him.

“Dude, tell me you didn’t!”

Sam has the grace to look sheepish. “Cas said he needed a home.”

Dean glares. This was why he didn’t introduce Cas to Sam for a long time. He knows his brother, and he doesn’t want to end up with _two_ animal hoarders he has to deal with on a regular basis.

“Did you remember lunch?” he manages after a moment.

“Oh yeah, sure. C’mon Charlie,” he says to the dog, and puts him in the kitchen, where a baby gate has been installed and newspapers laid down. “He’s not housebroken yet,” he confesses.

Dean groans.

***

After lunch, Dean calls up Cas. He barely lets him get out a “hello” before tearing into him. “Why the hell did you persuade my brother to adopt that bag of bones?”

Cas sighs. “He needed a home, Dean.”

“So you put up fliers or ask your neighbors. _Not_ your _boyfriend’s brother!_ ”

“In case you haven’t noticed, Dean, decent homes aren’t easy to come by. All of my neighbors who want animals already have them. I need to branch out.”

“What about _your_ family?” Dean snaps.

“Gabriel already adopted the two Jack Russell puppies I found by the side of the road. Balthazar took a cat. Anna took the old Golden Retriever. I wouldn’t trust the rest of my family with animals.”

Dean scowls. He has a point. Michael works all the time, Raphael hates animals, and as for Lucifer…Dean shudders at the idea of what he’d do to a pet.

And, yes, weird names, big family. Cas is Catholic, which Dean tries not to hold against him.

“Don’t offer him any more,” he warns, and slams down the phone.

***

Dean’s on his way home from work when the door of the car ahead of him opens and a sealed cardboard box flies out.

What the hell? Dean notes down the license plate out of reflex, since it might be drugs or something. The light changes and the car keeps going, but Dean pulls over.

The box landed in the right lane, and it’s rush hour. Dean manages to scoop it up without becoming road pizza, all the time wondering what the fuck he’s doing.

He opens the box.

It’s not drugs.

It’s a cat, a kitten, really, lying on a ragged blanket. Its fur is matted, it’s skinny, and it’s got crud coming out of its nose and eyes. It’s breathing, but doesn’t react when Dean touches it.

“Really? It’s not enough you have my boyfriend playing St. Francis, now you’re dragging me into it?” he complains to the world in general, then looks at the kitten. It’s November, and she’s shivering. He sighs, and puts the box in the Impala.

***

The doorway is dark when Dean knocks, but after a second the porchlight turns on.

The door opens a moment later. “Dean? What–?”

Cas’ gaze falls on the kitten a moment later and his demeanor changes completely. “Bring her inside.”

Dean does, and sets the box down as Cas heads to the bathroom. He’s back almost immediately, holding a hot water bottle, which he tucks under the blanket. Then he leaves again, and Dean hears him on the phone.

“There’s a 24-hour emergency clinic where they know me. Come on.”

***

Cas gives the kitten his own evaluation as Dean follows his directions to the clinic. He’s not a vet, but Dean figures he knows what to look for.

“She’s dehydrated. Looks like some kind of respiratory infection, too.”

It’s not far to the clinic, but the waiting room’s full. Dean finds himself jigging his knee up and down, and forces himself to stop.

Finally, the door to the back opens. “Castiel Milton?”

Dean shoots to his feet, and almost beats Cas to the door.

***

He stands impatiently as the vet looks the kitten over.

“She’s dehydrated and chilled. It looks like she has an upper respiratory infection and fleas too. And she’s underweight.” The kitten makes a small sound of protest as a tech hooks up an IV.

“The most critical thing right now is to rewarm and hydrate her. These will help with that.”

“But will she be OK?” Dean asks. Cas gives him an odd look.

“It all depends. The next twenty-four hours will be critical.”

Cas nods. “Thank you, Dr. Cermak. Is it alright if we come in tomorrow morning?”

The vet smiles at him. “Of course.”

***

Dean gets out of the Impala when they’re back at Cas’. Cas raises a brow, but doesn’t comment. It’s not the first time Dean’s spent the night, after all.

They grab some dinner and Cas feeds the animals–he’s down to the white cat, and Moriel.

Cas falls asleep easily, but Dean finds himself staring at the ceiling. He turns to look at Cas every few minutes. How can he _sleep_ when one of the animals he cares so much about might not survive the night?

Dean feels a weight on his feet, and then points of pressure moving up toward his face. The white blur tells him it’s the cat.

Ordinarily he’d shoo it away, but tonight he reaches out to stroke it. The cat butts his hand, then starts purring.

As it settles down on his chest, Dean feels himself start to relax.

***

He wakes up to the smell of coffee the next morning. He stumbles into the kitchen to find Cas making toast.

“Here,” he says, handing Dean a cup. “You might need it.”

Dean drinks it, black and too-hot, burning into his gut. The thing that had kept him awake last night is that Cas’ animals don’t always get a happy ending, and the kitten was in pretty bad shape. “Thanks.”

As soon as they’ve grabbed some breakfast, they head to the clinic. The receptionist waves them into the back as soon as they come in. Dean tries to read her expression and fails.

But the doctor is there, the one with the weird name, and she smiles and takes them to a particular cage.

The kitten is awake, and eating ravenously. She looks up as they come close, then goes back to her food. Dean breathes a silent sigh of relief.

“As you can see, she’s much better today. We’ll want to keep her for another day to make sure she’s out of danger and the respiratory infection is responding to antibiotics, but then you should be free to take her home.”

“Thank you, Doctor Cermak,” Castiel says softly, and she smiles.

A moment later, she’s serious again. “Do you have any idea who did this?”

Dean remembers that he wrote down the plate on the car. “Just a sec.” He rummages in his pockets and hands her the paper. “I got the plates of the guy who dumped her.”

She nods. “This will be helpful. Can I have your number? I have some contacts with the SPCA.”

Dean writes his phone number on the back of the paper, and realizes there’s no reason for them to still be there. He looks down at the kitten, who’s finished her food, and holds out a hand. She sniffs his fingers.

They must have given her a bath, since her fur looks better. Before she was too dirty to really tell what color she was; now he can tell she’s a calico.

Cas seems to be able to tell that he's reluctant to leave, since he takes the vet aside for instructions on what kind of care the kitten needs.

Dean looks stealthily around to make sure no one is paying attention, then squats down in front of the cage and wiggles his fingers. The kitten looks at him solemnly for a moment, then tries to bite at them through the bars. Dean smothers a chuckle and pets her as best he can.

"Do you want to take her out?"

Dean jumps, and looks up to see the vet looking down at him, smiling. He nods, refusing to make eye contact with Cas.

The vet opens the cage and takes out the kitten, giving her to Dean. He fumbles a moment, since he's not used to holding cats, but the kitten snuggles into his arms and starts purring.

Dean glares at Cas, daring him to say anything, but he only reaches out and scratches the kitten’s ears, making her purr louder.

After a few minutes, Dean reluctantly hands the kitten back to the vet and they leave.

***

Dean heads back to his place, since he's got a lunch with Sam today and he needs to get a shower.

He doesn’t mention the kitten to Sam–after all the bitching he’s done about Cas’ animals, he doesn’t want to hear “I told you so.” He can’t stop Sam from talking about his new dog, unfortunately.

“He’s great, Dean! Jess loves him. He sleeps next to our bed, and we took him to the dog park and he was cowering under a bench hiding from a Pekingese! And–”

Dean lets him talk, making appropriate noises every so often. He’s not really paying attention–he’s too busy thinking about the kitten. Will she really be ready to go back to Cas’ tomorrow? Is she as healthy as she seemed, or is there something else wrong? How would Cas react if the vet told him she’d have to be put down? (He carefully avoids thinking about how _he_ would react.)

He drops Sam off at his house an hour later, gets slobbered on by the mutt, and heads back home, where he tries to watch TV, but ends up just flipping channels.

***

The next day Dean shows up at Cas’ early. When Cas comes to the door he’s barefoot and hasn’t shaved yet.

“Uh…I can come back later?”

Cas snorts and pulls him inside. Dean stands around while he finishes getting ready and then they head to the clinic.

***

“Is she ready to leave?” Dean asks the vet. He doesn’t say “go home,” since Cas isn’t going to keep her (he tries to avoid thinking about that too).

The vet smiles at him. “Yes. You know the drill, Mr. Milton. Antibiotics twice a day, feed her small meals every few hours until she gets back to a normal weight.”

Cas nods, and holds out the cat carrier. The vet puts the kitten in, Cas pays the bill, and they get in the car.

***

“She needs a name,” Dean says suddenly on the way back.

Cas cocks his head at him and Dean flushes. Cas does name his animals and leaves it up to the new owners if they want to rename them, but Dean’s never taken an interest in naming one before.

He doesn’t say anything, though, just thinks for a moment. “How about Patches?”

Dean snorts. “Have some originality! With all the animals you’ve had I’d think you’d come up with something better than that.”

“Angel?”

“Remind me again why I like you?”

Cas makes a face at him.

Dean had turned the radio on when they got in the car, and _Edge of Seventeen_ starts playing as they’re talking. “Stevie,” he says decisively.

Cas considers. “I like that. Stevie.”

Dean grins.

***

When they get back to Cas’ house, he puts the cat carrier down in the spare room and lets Stevie come out on her own.

“Dean?” he calls a moment later.

“Yeah?”

“Get some food for her, would you?”

Dean nods, takes out a can of cat food and scoops some into a bowl. The white cat rubs around his ankles, so he sighs and gets another bowl.

When he comes into the spare room, Stevie’s nowhere in sight.

“Under the bed,” Cas says at his questioning look.

“Is that normal?”

Cas shrugs. “It can be, especially if they’re not socialized. New environment, they’re nervous.”

That makes sense. Dean puts the bowl down half under the bed, and after a moment he sees a black-and-orange nose appear.

“How long until she’ll be ready for a permanent home?”

“At least a couple of weeks. I need to get her used to people.”

Dean relaxes slightly, and Cas continues, “Of course it will probably take longer. I’ve been having trouble finding people willing to adopt who can give them a good home.”

“That’s because your standards are too high,” Dean jokes, and Cas snorts.

“Hardly. I’m dating you, aren’t I?”

Dean shoves him.

***

The next day is Monday, and Dean spends most of it thinking about Stevie.

When he gets to Cas’, there are two plates on the table. Dean looks at him, and Cas only shrugs.

He spends every evening there for a week, feeding Stevie, playing with her, forcing eyedroppers full of medicine down her throat, then petting her to calm her down after.

On Wednesday evening during dinner Dean's cell phone rings. "Dean Winchester."

"Mr. Winchester, my name is Inspector Harvelle. I believe you were witness to animal cruelty."

"Yeah, I was," Dean says, mouthing at Cas _SPCA._

"I'd like to interview you if I can."

"Yeah, sure. What time?"

"When would be convenient for you?"

Dean thinks. He's got a day off scheduled for this Friday. "Anytime on Friday would be fine."

She gives him the address of the local SPCA, and they agree to meet at two.

When he hangs up, Cas looks at him curiously.

"Inspector from the SPCA. She wants to interview me."

"Do you want me to come along?"

Dean hesitates. "No. I'll be fine on my own." He doesn't want Cas to hear about it. For all that he knows Cas has seen more disgusting things done to animals than _he_ has, he doesn't want to add one more horror story.

***

The address turns out to be the local precinct, rather than the SPCA. He sits down, trying to avoid looking at the people in handcuffs being hauled through.

He's early, but in a few minutes a woman comes out. "Dean Winchester?" She doesn't have a gun on her, but she does have a radio and a badge, and she doesn't look like anybody Dean wants to mess with.

He stands up. "That's me."

She holds out a hand. "I'm Inspector Ellen Harvelle. Come into my office, please."

What follows is more than an interview and less than an interrogation. His impression of her is reinforced, as she brings out details he hadn't realized he'd noticed--not only the license plate, but the time, intersection, and make and model of the car.

She nods. "Thank you, Mr. Winchester. We'll start looking into this right away."

He hesitates. "Will you tell me if–when you get him?"

She frowns. "It's against procedure..."

He flashes her his most winning smile. She gives him a distinctly unimpressed look, then rolls her eyes. "Alright. I'll inform you when he's in custody. You might very well be subpoenaed anyway, if we decide to go criminal."

"Really?"

She nodded. "Doctor Cermak has already given me her notes, and she'll give me any other information she gets."

She reaches out a hand and he shakes it. She's got a hell of a grip. "Thank you."

She snorts and makes a shooing motion. "Get out of my office before I agree to let you make the arrest."

Dean grins and does as he's told.

***

Stevie gains weight quickly. When they take her in for a checkup the day after Dean’s interview with Inspector Harvelle, she’s gained two pounds.

Dr. Cermak is pleased. "She should be ready for adoption in another week or so."

Dean tries to look pleased at that, reminding himself that Cas has had trouble finding homes.

***

A week later, Stevie is looking like any other kitten. The gunk in her eyes and nose is gone, her coat is shiny, and she's at what Dr. Cermak says is a normal weight.

She's become something of a terror, pouncing on the feet of whoever's passing by, getting into play-fights with the white cat, and generally making a nuisance of herself. Cas is annoyed with Dean, since Moriel has learned some new phrases, among them "Goddamn cat!"

But when Castiel says, "I've found a home for Stevie," his gut goes cold. He hadn't seen Cas interviewing anyone.

"Shouldn't the white cat go to them first?" he babbles. "He's been here longer, after all, it's only fair."

Cas shakes his head. "No. This owner isn't interested in Snowflake."

Dean can't even snort at the name, he's in such a panic. "Are you sure they're OK? I mean, have you interviewed them, been to their house..." he asks desperately.

"I know them quite well," Cas says.

"I don't think you should adopt her out just yet," Dean says before he thinks.

"Are you saying you don't want to adopt Stevie?"

"I–what?" He runs through what Cas just said. " _Me?_ " he says, his mouth dropping open.

"Of course," Cas says blithely. "You rescued her, took care of her quite well, and she already knows and likes you."

"But I don't like cats!" Dean blurts, then curses himself for looking a gift horse in the mouth.

Cas just gives him a look that tells him _Bullshit_ as clearly as if he'd said it.

"OK. OK, I'll take her."

Stevie chooses that moment to jump into his lap and curl up. Cas smiles. "I think she approves."

"Move in with me," Dean blurts, then wonders where the hell that came from.

It's Cas' turn to look stunned. "What?"

Dean backpedals, babbling again. "I mean, I've been over here a lot lately anyway, and I know how to take care of the animals now. And-and you did say that you were having trouble finding homes. If you were in my neighborhood you'd have some new prospects--"

Cas cuts him off with a finger to his lips. "Dean. Yes."

He blinks. "Yes?"

"Yes," Cas repeats firmly, and kisses him.


End file.
